What I’m loving now, and why it’s ok to be excited without real reason

First, for the less-serious stuff…

Things I’m loving right now:

King Trash Mouth: Bob’s Burgers has been on nonstop in my home lately. I’m watching it for the first time, so NO SPOILERS OK? King Trash Mouth is Linda’s favorite little raccoon. Also, on the note of King Trash Mouth…

Raccoons: For some reason it took me 26 years to give in to unabashed enjoyment of animal videos. Raccoon vids are my favorite. Drunk raccoon, and somersaulting raccoon. The plan is to get a non-rabid raccoon one day. (After Fitz is no longer around, though, because he’s a diva king and needs to be the only fur-man of the house.)

The Simply Luxurious Life: If you’re rolling your eyes at this name right now, that’s because you have a totally different sense for what makes something luxurious. When you struggle with anxiety, you want to create a life of “little luxuries,” including nice habits, stress-relieving hacks, and a grip on your self-worth and the value that you’re contributing. I’ve started listening to the podcast while I work out, or while I commute. It’s FANTASTIC.

Mint.com: This is the site I used to revamp my spending habits. I recently shared how I had caught myself in an overspending habit, which made me more stressed/tired/anxious. Mint.com is a free site (I read that it makes money by the little “ways to save” section that advertises credit cards, but it’s SUPER non-invasive) and it helps me track where my money is going. This is how I found out that I was spending thousands a month on trips. I haven’t gone on a big vacay in a long time — almost a year — yet I was going on $1000+ weekend trips 1-2x/month. Yeah, not the *best* idea.

Pop Sugar Must Have box: Anyone very close to me (or rather, just my mom and my boyfriend) know all about how excited I get over my monthly box subscription. It’s the perfect blend of useful, practical items with a bit of a special touch. Almost always, this box will include a wearable item (jewelry, a scarf, nice socks, or a really cool hat that actually looks good on me for once), one or two beauty-related items (I just got some really nice, full-sized body scrub), some sort of tasty food item, and so much more. Usually one or two things (of the 7-8) will satisfy the total price of the box, which is just $40! It’s seriously the BEST, most exciting little monthly surprise. I’ve been doing it for two years now. Their “special” or “seasonal” boxes are amazing too. The summer 2015 was my favorite. If you want to give it a try, use my link to get the box for only $30. I seriously LOVE this box.


In other news:

As I’m writing this, I’m on my couch at home with my cat, watching Bob’s Burgers and drinking a glass of red wine. These moments at home alone with myself don’t happen as often anymore. I have a really fantastic man with whom I spend a lot of time — and not because it’s just nice to have someone (though it is) or because I am afraid to be alone (because believe me, I LOVE it), but because my normal happy life is even happier and somehow perfectly normal when I spend that time with him.

A lot has changed in my life in the last year: my geographical location, my job, my distance from my family, and so much more. In the last couple months, though, I’ve been a little more…sensitive? It’s hard to describe it, but I’ve been more tired, weepy, and overall sad. It’s very unlike me. A couple years ago I leaned into the instinct to cry when I need to (I was a big stifler before), but it got to a ridiculous point. I mean, today I got in my car after getting home from LA and practically teared up. There’s seriously NO REASON I would be sad at that time, unless I was instantly depressed from being separated from my boo for a couple days, which it totally wasn’t. (Oh, but uh, love you and miss you babe!) I finally came to this amazing aha moment that all this tiredness, sensitivity, and self-doubt can be traced to one thing: hormones. Mine have been different for the past few months because I started taking — let’s call it “supplements” but c’mon you know what I mean — and it made me straight up depressed.

I read recently that Sarah Silverman described depression as “desperately homesick but I’m at home.” That’s perfect. (I always listen to comedians on mental health because they are so prone to be on the poor end of the health spectrum. Case in point, right, because I’m totes hilarz? No?) Listen, I’ve never struggled with depression and I wouldn’t classify my recent hormone imbalance as clinical depression, because no medical professional did. But the symptoms are aligned. Thankfully, I am so incredibly hopeful that tomorrow morning, when I wake up and I don’t break a little white disc out of a foil blister pack, I will be on the road to being totally OK and back to my normal, happy self. It’s insane that it could make that big of a difference, but woah, it has. And even though I don’t have total proof that it’ll be the one-stop shop for fixing my weird, sensitive state, I don’t care. I want to believe that in a few days I’m going to be way happier, more energetic, and able to feel like me. Because, if I remember a few months ago, me feels pretty great.

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