Day 10: Girls vs. Girls

I bet you’ve heard a woman say, “I just don’t like girls.” You might have said that yourself.

I’m not talking about orientation or parenting preference. I’m talking this weird stereotyping of your own kind.

Remember when Ariana Grande had that donut licking incident? She’s on record as having said, “I hate America.” Yes, she’s American. She’s not changing citizenship anytime soon. She claims to have said those words to express disdain for the unhealthy diets of many American citizens. She’s at a donut shop, though. Do you see what I’m getting at?

Women of all ages (but — an important distinction! — not all women) have said that they “just don’t like girls.” Why is this? A listicle:

  1. This implies that you are the only female you like. I’m pretty sure that if the shit stinks, check your own damn shoes.
  2. Isn’t this its own class of prejudice or stereotyping? Surely not EVERY female is unlikeable. But I know one who’s looking pretty sour right now.
  3. Yes, a lot of times someone “doesn’t like” something mostly because the thing doesn’t like them. Or because they don’t understand it. This is a defense mechanism. I’d love for the conversation to become about how she can accept other women, starting with herself.
  4. I promise you this isn’t as subjective as it sounds: it’s said with a bit of a chip on the shoulder. The same chip that’s in play to talk about how she “just really likes football” or she’s “just a regular person” (ahem, looking at you, Jennifer Lawrence). And a lot of women DO really like football or ARE regular people (duh). You know what I mean.
  5. What’s up with using the term “girl” instead of woman? I have no real statistics on this, but in general my memory’s audio files are telling me that generally these women dislike “other girls” and not “other women.” Perhaps revealing.

Several years ago, I was flipping through a magazine. On the last page was a quote from Emma Stone: “I don’t like women who don’t like other women.” (Caveat: I tried to look this up — I didn’t try that hard, tbh — but it mostly rendered links to “I don’t like women but I love Emma Stone!” so idk.) Amen, sister.

I have always been a girl’s girl: my friendships are forged much more easily with females more than males. I don’t understand men as well, and I am pretty sure that somewhere along the timeline of ol’ A-Dizzle I was severely mis-taught about men and their differences from women. Thankfully over time I have adapted to understand friendship with men, but I still make a point to hug HER before HIM when greeting a couple. I think it’s the inverse of the “I don’t like girls” problem. And this isn’t a 100% true statement: I have had consistent male friendships in my life. I am in a relationship with a man (hi honey! that’s you!). I can easily strike a conversation with most people, gender nonspecific. I have some interests that align me with the opposite gender, according to popular culture. I’m also a very imperfect person. I’m also a feminist. I also use the word “bitch” to reclaim it, to mean someone who’s REALLY FREAKIN’ FANTASTIC.

I’m sure that this issue has been examined very well by a more informed expert. I’m not that person. Still I know it’s not fair for a woman to say things like, “I don’t like other girls.” That’s an untrue blanket statement that can’t encompass all the nuances of gender and personality and behavior, and also you really don’t sound cool. I promise you. You really don’t sound cool.

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