I’m a closet idiot, and other very true and verified facts

Fun story: I’ve been anxiety free for at least a month.

 

This isn’t like smoking. You don’t fall off the boat once and then maybe binge for a few months before remembering how much it sucks and resolving to quit again. (Note: I obviously have no idea what addiction is like.)

 

Anxiety is a come-as-she-pleases bitch. She senses a weakness in you — whether you have a low-grade fear of something happening in your life or you just haven’t been sleeping enough — and she attacks. You can’t breathe right; you lose even more sleep.

 

Have you ever, say, really needed to break off a relationship or get out of an unhealthy workplace? Once you left, you felt that INCREDIBLE RELIEF that doesn’t necessarily sink in right away. But, with time, you recognize the incredible relief it provides.


This guy relaxes like a cool genius. 

 

The last month without that ish, then, has been EVERYTHING! I made a lot of changes in my life, including the end of a job that a lot of people constantly ask about. I don’t even care that I have to answer questions about it constantly. I am happy and able to handle stress without imploding.

 

I know anxiety and mental health are such tricky topics, and that’s why I talk about it often. Just gotta keep it fresh, yo. You don’t have to live with that pit in your stomach or constantly feeling like YOU suck. Because you don’t. (Er, maybe you do, but that’s not anxiety then.) I thought I was clinically depressed. Then I talked to a kickass doc who snapped some sense into me and told me to make moves and take charge of my own happiness. And I did. And I am so happy.

 

Listen, a lot of things go into happiness. You really do need to sleep lots and eat well and exercise. You do. Science, bitch. But you also need to do things solely because THEY MAKE YOU HAPPY. I don’t know why, but that always seemed like such a weak and selfish motivator. I always thought I needed to be sacrificing for others’ happiness — or rather, what I perceived as their happiness.

 

When I was a kid, I remember once choosing what I wanted to do for my birthday party. I tried to make it whatever my guests would want. Then my mother said, “Why are you planning a party for them? It’s not their birthday.” BOOM. Relief.

To me, making myself happy means cleaning my apartment, sticking to a skincare regimen, and eating açai bowls approximately 5x per week. I exercise because I know I need it, and because after a lot of it, I realize I like it. Happiness is not always having some crazy plans. It is sitting on the couch and laughing with someone else. It’s writing a letter to someone without them knowing. It’s that surprise and smile you get when someone realizes you remembered something about them. Why wouldn’t I choose to do these things?


(No, seriously, I can’t get enough açai bowl.) 


I’m the last person so many people would ever expect to be speaking about happiness and fulfillment in the face of awful stuff like anxiety. I like to laugh, and I hate to get upset. This is how I apply my #FunkyFresh self to real-world, personal issues. I kinda like it. It makes me happy.

Vacation without all the hotels

I’ve been on vacation since last Thursday. Now I see why people desperately need to be void of responsibility for brief periods of time. Let’s take a snapshot of my life right now so you can get real jealous.

WHO: my parents, some friends from high school, my cat, my cat’s favorite new toy, and me

 My dad and his friend Lenora (not my mother) who will dance with him

High school friend Mikal’s parents run the pickle booth that we worked last weekend. 

WHAT: the best several days ever, because I literally have done nothing of importance with the exception of paying a toll from when I recently crossed the Golden Gate Bridge. (Ps, did you know that it costs $7? Now there’s a #TrollToll.) I “worked” at Stagecoach country music festival, then went to Disneyland, then relaxed in the pool and watched Seinfeld reruns and went shopping at the best outlets near my parents’ place. Deals like WOAH. I got a pair of Joe’s Jeans that fit perfectly for VERY LITTLE MONEY. Bow down.


The only picture we took at Disneyland, because I have a million in front of the castle from yesteryear.  



For some reason I was genuinely terrified of Splash Mountain even though I can keep my eyes open and hands up on that massive California Screamin’ roller coaster they have. 

WHEN: Over a week, before I start my new job on Monday. Seriously excited.


He’s the most perfect specimen, and he loooooves his toys.  
WHERE: where not? The Palm Desert area, Disneyland, up and down California in my Ford Focus. (Try not to be jealous of my sweet ride.)

Gorgeous sunset in the desert during Stagecoach.  

This is Eric Burdon and a couple of the Animals. Totally killed “House of the Rising Sun.” Such a bucket list moment. 

This has been the best and most refreshing few days of my life. Something about being with your folks and just living life with no commitments has been the most restful time. I highly recommend booking a few weeks between the end of one job and the start of another — completely worth it.
The one thing lacking? Exercise. I have walked a TON but no running, no spinning, no barre/yoga/whatever. It’s just so hot and I don’t belong to a gym. But I have a half marathon, uh, next weekend. Straight up yikes.
I really want to join Equinox. It’s just SO EXPENSIVE. But I think it might be worth it, because I like to work out early and then shower and get ready at the gym before going to work.
Who has an Equinox membership? Is it worth it? What should I know?


Do you normally take a break between jobs?


What do you recommend to rejuvenate before going back to work?

I’m famous, thanks to a dog

  

You guys. Hugely important announcement that today I was featured on Chewie the Labradoodle’s instagram, hereby making me instafamous to Chewie’s 77 followers. I’ll now be wearing large sunglasses while indoors, and wrapping a scarf around my head for elegant privacy from the paparazzi.

  

(^^ Get in line, gentlemen.)

I need to express another really important sentiment: dogs are the best office decoration. My current company loves dogs, and my corner is absolutely LOADED. 

 

Babe alert, right? That’s Fiji. She (like her mommy, Natalie) is an absolute dream. No, not a husky. An Alaskan Klee Kai. Natalie gets stopped about 4937474x a day with questions about what kind of dog Fiji is, soooo… Learning.  

There are also MEGA Labradoodles here. Two of them are TWINSIES and I my heart bursts a little every time they look at me.  

  

(Photo courtesy of Chewie’s instagram: @chewiethelabradoodle)

What kind of pet(s) do you all have? 

Instagram, anyone?

– I’m @instadelz

– my cat is @dapperfitz and he is so studly